EMMA HORNER'S LETTER TO FAMILY
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sorry for the pain that I have caused you all and the result that it
has had in your attitude toward me. The last letter that you sent caused me
a great deal of pain. I know that many people would feel that I have no
right to feel any pain since I am the one that caused the response in the
first place. However, the pain is there. I love you all and regardless of
your opinions to the contrary have always wanted to be looked on as someone
of value by you. I could not help my political and philosophical differences
but always wanted to be valued and respected as a person. I now know that
that is not possible unless your anger subsides over time, or the Lord
I really do not care that much about what happened during the sixties and
early seventies. I just care about what is happening now. This is the rest
of my life. I know that I can never convince you that I have had a lifelong
struggle with this condition, but I have. I was at the point of choosing
suicide over continuing to live with this lie, when I was able to come to
grips with it and find out that I was not the only person with this problem;
that I was not perverted because of this desire and that it was not a
grievous sin. In fact, the Bible does not speak against this at all. The
only possible statements against it would be a section of Deuteronomy 22 (
see attachment) that appears to condemn crossdressing. However when seen in
its historical context that is not what it says. Also the same passage goes
on to require the wearing of four tassels on your garment, having a parrapet
around your roof, forbidding the combining of different fibers in a garment
or planting different crops in the same field. You cannot just choose one
piece of this. It had an historical context and the main thing that this
passage accomplishes is to show how impossible it would have been for us to
have earned our salvation through the Law. The other is a mistranslation in
the King James that condemns the effeminate. The actual word should have
been translated as male prostitute and was so translated in the NIV version.
I am a child of Abraham. I am saved by faith and grace not by works or the
law. I am and always have been a simple Christian. I was always impressed by
CS Lewis book on mere Christianity. I have accepted Jesus as my savior and
regardless of your feelings now, do try to love others as myself. This is
essential Christianity. Anything else is out of man's ego and stands in the
way of people coming to the Lord. You might read what Jesus had to say of
this in the following passages; Luke chapter 10 verses 25 through 28 :
25. On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher,"
he asked, " what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26. "What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
27. He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all
your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' and, 'Love your
neighbor as yourself.' "
28. "You have answered correctly, " Jesus replied. "Do this and you will
Also the same chapter but verses 30 through 37 is also applicable.
I have repented of the wrongs that I committed in my life. I asked
forgiveness for living a lie for most of my life and hurting those around
me. I have made many mistakes in my life and have repented for those. This
is not a mistake nor will it be repented for. I only had three valid options
when the wall that had surrounded me started to crumble. Those were:
1. Continue the deception and live the rest of my life in deceit and
dishonesty and continue my downward spiral.
2. Commit suicide and just end it all. This would have of course been
the least embarassing to you all.
3. Recognize my condition for what it is. Accept it and seek the
only real cure for it and then go and live my life fully for the first
time. Ask God's forgiveness for the pain that it would inflict and move
The pain that you all saw in my writings was the result of living a life of
dishonesty and having zero self esteem because of it. The pain was real when
I wrote and it still is. It was never put there to win friends and influence
people. If I accomplish nothing other than help someone face this problem
early in life when they can transition and not inflict the pain of a life of
deception on themselves and those around them, then I have truly
accomplished something in my life.
Karen and I are trying to work this whole matter out. We love each other and
with the Lords help, we will not only remain together but will have a much
stronger relationship since it is now being built on honesty on my side as
well as Karen's. There are several Christian couples that I know of that
have weathered this same crisis.
The fact that this has caused pain to those around me does not stand as
evidence that I am not walking close to the Lord anymore than the pain that
you inflicted on me, my wife and my family by your unilateral disclosure a
few years ago. Suddenly I was the adopted son and not really a Horner--not
real great for one with low self esteem.---(Of course I had known this
little bit of information ever since I found some paper work in a little
black box that you all had in your closet on Marianna Rd. However I did keep
that fact from my wife and children so that they might not realize that they
were not real Horners. I also did not want to hurt you by letting you know
that I knew. I just played the same game of self deception that I have
always played. Every time Mimi talked about all of the people we were
related to I just played along. It did hurt though to know that I wasn't
actually related like everyone else.)--- But I knew that you did what you
felt that the Lord wanted you to do and that you felt an internal need to
come clean to those around you, regardless of the consequences to others.
Well, this is my case as well.
I made the mistake of reading your letter at work. To say that it crushed me
and destroyed any real productivity that day would be an understatement. As
God is my witness, I know that I would never turn my back on my children the
way you intend to turn away from me. I can think of absolutely nothing that
either Will or Pat could do that would cause me to display the absolute
hatred and embarassment that exuded from your letter. I now know and fully
understand the feelings that a Jewish Christian feels when their family
declares them dead. Anger I understand and expected, but the
destructiveness of your attack on me as a person was cruel and uncalled for.
Is there nothing about me of which you could ever approve?
I am not living a female masquerade and I did not choose becoming a woman as
a coward's way out of difficulties in my life as you so callously claimed.
Becoming a woman certainly is not something that hides you from your
problems. It just makes you stand out like a sore thumb. It takes courage to
make that change. This is me. I am Emma. My soul and my spirit have always
been female. Now I can do something about resolving this conflict. God does
use medical science for healing. I know that He does not make mistakes but I
also know that people are born frequently with birth defects and I really
have a hard time thinking that you would tell the parents of a child with
birth defects that he was born that way because that is the way God wanted
him to be and they should just accept it instead of putting their will for
quality of life over the Lords original intent. Well I have a birth defect.
Medical science has a cure that eliminates this problem and ends Gender
Dysphoria permanently. I will have this cure within the next few years. I
have already transitioned. I am a woman for all practical purposes and will
be fully so as soon as possible. Richard will not be coming back. So if you
can never accept me as Emma I guess that I will not hear from you again. I
am not going to continue to cause division and discord in my family. I am
stepping out of your lives with this letter. If you sometime, somewhere
decide that you love me for me regardless of my gender then I would love to
be welcomed back. I do not really care what you call me. But I cannot put
aside what you call the female masquerade. What you call a masquerade is me.
I am an outsider now and will not inflict any further embarassment or hurt
on you or the rest of my family. Please do not bother to respond to this
letter. Unless you can accept me as your child, we are just hurting one
another by continuing this dialogue. You said maybe we would be together in
heaven. Well I will be there. I will stand before the Lord as Emma and will
then enter the gender free environment of heaven.
I am sorry that John and Joyce have ended up in the middle of all of this. I
appreciate your love, Joyce and John, but I am stepping out of your lives as
well. If you want me back as a friend, please contact me. I will never
discuss the rest of the family with you again or do anything further to
weaken your relationship with Mom, Dad and Billy.
With all of my love and care,
both now and forevermore,
Emma Melissa Horner.
Deut 22:5 (King James):
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a
man put on a woman's garment: for all who do so are abomination unto the
LORD thy God.
My first reaction was: yikes, "abomination" is a pretty strong word! But
many other things are described as "abominations", including, for instance,
many things I eat ( Deut 14:3, all of Lev 11). This chapter itself also
includes many restrictions that seem simply bizzare ( Deut 22 :9-12). Read
through Leviticus, Deuteronomy, and so forth, and you find yourself
overwhelmed by commands to make sacrifices, to observe countless rituals, to
abstain from things with no imaginable moral purpose - countless things that
are completely foreign to a Christian. It sure puzzled me when I was a new
Christian. So, what on earth is going on here?
The short answer is: This is the Jewish Law, the Law of Moses. We, as
Gentile Christians, are not called to follow this law. Christ did not call
us to become Jews; He called us to salvation through Himself. This is not a
liberal doctrine, a conservative doctrine, a Protestant doctrine, or a
Catholic doctrine; it is a Biblical doctrine, and one of the main themes of
the New Testament. See, for example, Acts 15, Colossians 2,, and Galatians
2-6. It is not even the case that God would prefer that we follow this law,
but has "let us off the hook"; in fact, Paul strongly warns the Galatians
against returning to the law of circumcision, the law of the flesh. That is
why pig meat, an "abomination" for those under the law, is no sin for us;
likewise, I am convinced, for crossdressing.
So am I saying that Deuteronomy, Leviticus, etc. are wasted ink? No, not at
all. They tell us how God prepared the world for Christ's coming, by
teaching men to worship Him with a fleshy, ritual law. They also provide
wonderful illustrations of how to "love our neighbor as ourself": see, for
instance, Deut. 24:10-23. There is plenty of wonderful stuff in these books;
we just have to remember that the ritual law is not our law. I will stop
here, but I could go on; if you want to talk more about the role of the law,
I will, or you could ask your pastor. If you're shy, you could ask why (for
instance) we are not under the dietary restrictions, or why we don't wear
blue tassels on our clothing ( Numbers 15:38-9 and Deut 22:11).
Finally, if you're interested in some Biblical commentary on this verse, you
can check out Myschel's commentary research. I find it unnecessary - when
God releases us from the Law of Moses, that's that, regardless of what the
commentators say - but I know some of you want something more. My friend
Myschel slaved over dusty tomes to oblige you, so dig in and see what the
Biblical scholars have to say about Deut. 22-5.
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